Scattered

I don't really know what exactly to say...I feel lost..unsure of how to react..well I know obviously how I first reacted but I mean the aftermath. I'm still unsure if it really ever happened at all. It came out of fucking nowhere, I had no idea something was wrong. Somewhere deep in my mind I partly blame myself, even though I know it's not fair to myself to do that. I know she would tell me the same exact thing. There's always going to be the "what ifs" swirling around in my mind. I hate feeling like I fail as a friend. She's always been there for me, just two nights ago...I asked her and she was here no questions asked helping me with everything. But I was so busy with my stupid problems that I didn't even stop and see her problems or even get to ask "how are you" I'm still on my trip to North Carolina, although it feels extremely wrong to be here without her. I feel like I should be there with her telling her everythings going to be okay, that I've been there and somehow somewhere it will eventually get better. It hurts so much to realize that someone I love was suffering so much internally and I was signifacantly blind to it. I she's probably going to blame herself for a whole lot of shit, but I have to say, that even though what happened wasn't a good thing, at least she might be getting some help that I couldn't offer her. I hope to god that everything turns out ok for her and that she gets better.



I love you melissa I'm always here for you no matter what happens, and I hope you always remember that.