Horror Show

I feel as though I'm losing myself...and I don't know what to do =/ I feel helpless a lot lately. I feel as though I'm not in control of my own life..idk. I don't know who to talk to anymore...I don't want to bring people down who already have their own problems..it isn't fair to them. I hate not being able to help myself, I feel weak, uninportant and insicure. My moms leaving for Delaware tomarrow, i'm not sure how longs she's going to be gone...whenever she leaves I'm always afraid she's going to stay there and leave me here. Idk why..I think she likes being away from me and my dad...I know i'm not that great of a daughter...fuck i'm not even a great anything...Yeah this blog is pretty damn negative but...it's just how i've been feeling and I really have no way else of getting rid of all these thoughts...other than the other way..but I'm not going to do that stupid thing again, it doesn't solve my problems and it's at the cost of hurting people who care about me. I've been thinking about the future a lot lately as well...I'm afraid I wont make it in the real world...I have so much problems with anxeity and depression I"m afraid of being alone out there and being afraid. I don't know how i can hold a job, I'm so shy and have no self confidence in myself I'll probably just break down at my first mistake. God forbid I get brutally chewed out by my manager for it...and have a cry fest...uggh. Well I"m done writing for now I guess...maybe this is just my shitty menstration talking...although idk anymore, maybe I'm losing touch with reality...fuck now I sound like a lunatic...shit maybe I am crazy...that's what I'm afraid of...