Well, today was up and down......I tried so hard to make it enjoyable..I really wanted it to be. I feel like I ruin a lot...I don't know. I know I make a lot of shit worse, keeping my mouth shut half the time would probably work better. However keeping what I feel I need to say inside hurts a lot...then I end up bursting with anger and hate at the wrong people and I hate myself for doing that. I'm not really sure why I try to make it work, maybe I'm just a foolish idiot and this will all bite me in the ass in the end. For some reason, I can't picture myself not with him...that makes me sound too dependent doesn't it? Eh well what can I say? I depend on other more than I really should, probably due to the fact that I'm hella lazy...
Lately I've been feeling like I'm losing control of myself, maybe it's just because of shitty menstration but anxiety keeps creeping in every chance it seems to get. Trying to fall asleep nowadays has been a tourture within itself...or more like a self tourture..My brain just loves sending my body into panic mode the minute my head hits that pillow. Of course when this happens it is 3 in the morning and I'm unsure of what exactly to do with myself other then lie there in total panic mode...praying that I'll fall to sleep soon...and wake up the next morning. My sanity is on the brink of destruction, and I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I honestly can say that these twitches are ridiculous and they are the source of most of my panic i believe. They first started when I started the anxiety medication...but then they seemed to stop for awhile...now they seem to be back with a relentless vigor...uggh even now I'm dreading the fact of sleep...
I can't take this much longer...it's killing me
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