I feel as though I'm losing myself...and I don't know what to do =/ I feel helpless a lot lately. I feel as though I'm not in control of my own life..idk. I don't know who to talk to anymore...I don't want to bring people down who already have their own problems..it isn't fair to them. I hate not being able to help myself, I feel weak, uninportant and insicure. My moms leaving for Delaware tomarrow, i'm not sure how longs she's going to be gone...whenever she leaves I'm always afraid she's going to stay there and leave me here. Idk why..I think she likes being away from me and my dad...I know i'm not that great of a daughter...fuck i'm not even a great anything...Yeah this blog is pretty damn negative but...it's just how i've been feeling and I really have no way else of getting rid of all these thoughts...other than the other way..but I'm not going to do that stupid thing again, it doesn't solve my problems and it's at the cost of hurting people who care about me. I've been thinking about the future a lot lately as well...I'm afraid I wont make it in the real world...I have so much problems with anxeity and depression I"m afraid of being alone out there and being afraid. I don't know how i can hold a job, I'm so shy and have no self confidence in myself I'll probably just break down at my first mistake. God forbid I get brutally chewed out by my manager for it...and have a cry fest...uggh. Well I"m done writing for now I guess...maybe this is just my shitty menstration talking...although idk anymore, maybe I'm losing touch with reality...fuck now I sound like a lunatic...shit maybe I am crazy...that's what I'm afraid of...
you have so much potential, crystal. Spend time with the people who make you happy, and make you feel good about yerself. If theres someone that makes you feel like crap, or hurts you, then try to get away from them. Unless its your family.. you can't really get away from your family. which can sometimes be a bummer :/
ReplyDeleteI hope things get better for you.
SMOOCHIES&KISSES&DORITOS :D
-GANGSTA E!
i know exactly how you feel.
ReplyDeletei have days that i feel exactly the same way,
worthless and not deserving of the love that i am given.
the one thing that always brings me back to reality is friends. as long as you talk to one of the people you love unconditionally, they will always be there to reassure you and love you. :]
as far as jobs go,
its hard to deal with all of the commotion of the working world. really, it is. my first week at sesame was brutal, and i actually did cry because of a rude customer. but time is what makes all the difference. go out for a job, and even if you hate it, you can't quit. just stick it out, and you'll learn a lot from it.
:]
i guess that's all the advice i can give ya.
haha.
<3 you!
erica.
awee thanks you guys =D
ReplyDeleteily <3
ReplyDeleteAnd your mom loves you . . . you know that girl, she may get upset with you but she would never leave you. She tries to always be there for you the best way she can. Don't say you're a crappy daughter ... you've got shit rough. If you really feel that way, try talking to her more. But you shouldn't feel that way. We all understand you have alot going on for ya.
As for the job thing . . . don't let that fear hold you back girl. Everyone makes mistakes, if someone is a dick about it and you feel you can't handle it . . . then leave I guess and go somewhere else where they aren't ingnorant bastards. I would hope somepeople would be understanding when it comes to people who are new in the job world. But I don't know what the hell I'm blabbing on about. Haha! Have some faith in yourself Crystal. Seriously, I BELIEVE IN YOU!
You've always got the people who make you happeiest to surround yourself with to up your mood and you do have the power to push away from those who bring you down as tough as it is. You can do it.
I don't know what all else to say . . . I'm not good at this stuff. Haha!
Kick a bitch in the shin :D