Count Me In

Yeah...idk I feel really nervous...like I don't have a good hold on anything I thought I did...I feel like I'm in 10th grade again...the way I was...faking that smile everyday...believing a lie...I can't seem to stay awake in class for shit...really...I guess I should probably go to sleep earlier than I do..but everyone else I know seems to do the same thing that I do...and they're not about to pass out everyday like I am...I feel sorta...weak....ah whateverr. Hmmm there seems to be ants crawling on my desk...this is odd. Meh it's off to bed bro peeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaaceeeeeeeeeee

No One Know's What Goes On Behind Those Eyes

Woooo today was funnn. I was like barley alive during school haha I remember sitting in soc like slipppin in and out of consiousness cause I was so fucking tired and Mr.Dunkley was just like "BLAHDEBLAHLDEBLAAAAHHH" so Yeah so I went home on Jess's bus...AND SHE MADE US GET OFF AT THE FARTHEST STOP AWAY FROM HER HOUSE! Wtf is that shit dood? REALLY?! REALLY!? WHO'S FUCKING BABY IS THIS!?...Sorry that montage Erica did really stuck with me lol. Ummmm yeah we just chilled and Kelly joined us after a bit or w/e and then Jess showed off her magnificent driving skillz to AC Moore...haha now I'm home and worn out =P I swear I have like the two weirdest fucking teachers this year...Mr.Horchiemer and Mr.Dunkley...like I can imagine Mr.H taking some shrooms before class or some shit..I mean really during class he was like "YEAH I PLAY HALO, I LIKE PWNING SOME N00BZ" I was just like WOAH....But anwayyyy....yeah...I'm getting used to my classes and whatnot...although there are some people I don't get to see at all during the day that I wish I would =( blaaah

Twisted Nerve

....I feel more angry now than I think I did two days ago...You learn something new everyday...of course...What else is there gonna be? I think I'm so angry that if my blood could actually boil..it would be..I smelled that stupid cologne in school today, I thought I was going to smack my face into the damn desk. I feel bad though...Mr.Stoner noticed I was sad and said hi to me...and I gave him this like "UBER DEATH GLARE" and was like "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"....yeah not cool...sorry =/ I think maybe I should go for a walk..I mean I've been so proud of myself..I havent hurt myself in a while..when usually I would have by now...I actually feel empowered right now for being able to control myself. I've been able to distract myself, taking walks actually kind of helps. I haven' really been eating though....which is actually pretty bad considering if I lose anymore weight my mom's gonna freak shit on me...For the 210th time I do not have an eating disorder, I'm just never hungry. I get sporadically hungry...and then I'll eat...but whatever...hey I actually feel a bit calmed down....wait..nope it's back again...damn

The End Of Fraud

Blogs suck, I'm telling you...they're bad news...anyway....I had a great day with some friendss helped me forget about all the shit that I've been troubled with. Jess, Kris, and Kelly <3 Ilu guyss haha. ARggh SCHOOOL IZ NUTSSS it sucks bawlage...too many people it takes me too long to get remotely near my classes....wtf. AUHMM what else? I don't really have much to say...I hope this week goes by fast...I just want to get to my birthday and have some real fun with my friends. I wonder if my dad will even try and get me a cake? My mom will be in stupid Delaware...=/ whatever...I don't think I'm even getting anything...I wanted either a laptop or a itouch...but...yeah mom was like BLARG....so whatevzz. I think I'm going to become a hermit like Dave and just stop talking....wait wouldn't that be a mime then? yeah that...if I keep my big mouth shut I can't say anything wrong! I like that idea don't you? If you don't have something good to say, don't say it at all right? Well ok I will do that!

Hurt

I hate this feeling....this choked up feeling....I can't think, I can't breathe right....it feels like my lungs are colapsing on themselves. I don't even know what to do or say right now. I just want to sink into the ground and not exsist...just for a little while...and wake up and all my troubles will be gone. My grandfather died almost about a week ago...and now this...I can't even sleep as it is because every time I try, I see his face in that coffin...and I start to think of how I don't remember what the last thing I even said to him was....That i'll never get the chance to say anything to him again...This is my first time ever dealing with a loss...and I'm taking it really hard...I never thought I'd see my father cry, it was a haunting experience...it just didn't seem right at all...I'm afraid I'm going to loose more family members and people I love...I feel so sick to my stomach...a failure....a freak....idk...not good enough for anything...for anybody..what a way to start my supposivly "great" senior year...whodathunkit? I feel like I've been living in a dream recently...like none of this is happening to me...although you could also just call this "wishful thinking" I'm just very thankful for my best friend Kelly, I know she's someone I'll always have no matter what happens to each of us. She's like my other half, and without her I would probably have given up on living already. If I didn't have her in my life, it wouldn't be worth living, and that's the damn truth. Oh and if you see me tomarrow at school... just wave to me...I'll be the puffy eyed tearstained zombie shuffling around the hallways trying to find my way through the crowd of fucking freshman that have taken up our school now...I am thankful for having friends in my classes I enjoy having someone to share my academic misery with of course. Well I think it's time to empty the blood from my head like I usually do...g'night folks

Blech

What happened to you? I feel like you're playing with fire....and I'm afraid you just might get burned...But what I'm really afraid of is...What's going to happen to me?

The Realization...

that after high school I will be left utterly alone...just hit me like tenfold...uggh